“Brr! It’s too cold! Brr!” – this is the phrase that Sarah says almost every morning as I give her a shower. What is funny is that she is actually trying to say the water is too hot for her. Our hot water heater is very temperamental and it takes a while to get the perfect temperature for Sarah. Usually, I turn the hot water dial too much for her liking and she blurts, “Brr! It’s too cold! Brr!” and I tell her, “No, Sarah, it’s too hot! Ouch!” but she never understands that. Thankfully, I know better when she says her phrase and I turn down the hot water dial, turn up the cold and make it the perfect temperature for Sarah.
I know better. This is not just limited to decoding Sarah-isms. Sometimes when I get down from the heaviness of autism, I throw myself a pity party. I wonder why God has allowed autism in my family and I take on the role of party planner, except I am the sole attendee at the party (I always win at the party games!). I break up the pity party by reminding myself of His promises and recalling His continued faithfulness to me because….I know better.
I love II Timothy 2:13, “..if we are faithless (guilty of that at times!), He will remain faithful, for He cannot disown Himself.” He is faithful; it is His very nature. Just like my freckles that I couldn’t remove even if I tried because they make up who I am. For God, He is the very definition of the word ‘faithful’. He couldn’t stop caring, loving and being here in the midst of this because it is who He is. I remind myself of these truths because… I know better.
So why I don’t understand, just like Sarah never seems to understand that I want her to tell me the water is too hot, I know my loving Heavenly Father knows what is better for me. He is at work in our lives and in Sarah’s and while I only have this tiny piece of my life that I can see right now, He knows better. In fact, I can say with tears in my eyes, HE KNOWS BEST and I continue to walk (okay, let’s be honest, sometimes ‘flat on my face’ belly crawl) in faith on this autism journey.
Isaiah 55:8, “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares the LORD.”
Praying for Sarah G 
Thanks, Jill… such a great reminder. We SO often think we know best when in fact we’re not even in control! We just think we are! Praying for you and Sarah and the family!
Here I sit reading, weeping and praying.
Jill, this was my morning read and brought my heart to its knees. I should encourage you, yet you encourage me with your wisdom, faith and raw reality. Someday I will ‘hope’ to look forward to all your blogs being compiled into a book – as a guide book and life-line of wisdom mined from a life who has gone through the fire and come out as gold. I will long remember this story and share it with others.
Oh, Jill…that is a precious story from your daily life! When Beth was a toddler and we asked her to pick something up, she’d say, “I caaaannn’t. It’s too eaaaasssy.” Keep winning those party games girl! ****STANDING O*****
Yes, Father Know Best…and I just showed my age :). Thank u, Jill. What a blessing and such a great reminder to my heart today as well. Praying for Sarah. And u.
Hi Jill,
Thank you for the updates. You are a good writer. I think you ought to collect these writings about Sarah and what you are learning from God. These would make excellent devotionals and maybe even a devotional book. You are learning from Sarah far more than the rest of us are forced to learn. You have the credentials as an autism mom to do something with your writing. You have something to offer.
Love,
Roger and Andrea
Praying for Sarah and you this morning. Also, praying that no one accidentally turns the shower hotter 😀
We all need to be reminded of those truths. Thanks for reminding me!!!
Dear Jill…I LOVE your new blog! It’s powerfully written and your response to your journey with Sarah gives all of us encouragement. It was SO GOOD to have you at the Speak Up Conference in June! Love & Blessings, Carol