Set My Compass North

I quit my job yesterday.  Next month would have marked my 7th Anniversary at my job.  I planned on working there until Sarah turned 26 and ‘aged out’ of the Autism program, but best laid plans…

I have been so blessed by my job; spoiled really.  I worked between the school bell hours and it was always flexible for Sarah’s needs.  As soon as Sarah’s bus came to pick her up, I would race to work.  Then I would race home, sometimes just beating the bus by seconds as I needed to be there to take her off the bus.   It was jammed packed days, but I thought I had found a balance.  One time Jack asked me, “When do you work because you’re home when we are?”  I thanked the Lord for this gift that it didn’t disrupt their schedules and provided financially for Sarah’s needs.

As I mentioned in my last blog, I am learning to keep open hands to the Lord in obedience.  I have been feeling that the Lord was calling me away from this job, but I was scared because we need the money for Sarah’s care.

A few Sundays ago it was my turn to stay home with Sarah (I watch a church on-line when I stay home) and when David came home I could tell something was bothering him.  He pulled up a chair and with clasped hands said, “Jill, I think we need to go out on faith and take a step into the unknown.  We have been waiting for something to happen, but I think we need to just do it and take a step.”

We have been talking about increasing our involvement in Christian humanitarian ministries, but we were not sure what that meant.  We prayed and what came up was me quitting my job so we can focus more on me being open and ready to serve.  That thought scared us, so we prayed even more!

In the end, we both knew this is what God was calling us to do and I handed in my resignation letter.   Is this crazy?  Yes.  Does this make financial sense?  No, but we truly have peace.

It truly is Philippians 4:7, “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

My dear friend, Pam, said, “Praise our God that as you turn the lights off Friday, God is flipping the switch to even brighter light for your next days ahead! This is what separates us from the rest of the herd of this world; we never have to worry as to where we’re going because no matter what we do, God always sets our compass north!!”

So far I have committed to serve as a leader for the High School youth group mission trip this summer and David and I are working on plans to visit the church/orphanage we support in Haiti.   Other than that I am unsure, other than my compass is set to true north.  🙂  Thank you for your on-going prayers!!

God’s Love Language

I read “Obedience is God’s Love Language.” I never heard of that before, but it reinforced what I was studying in my Women’s Bible study at church:

John 14:15, “If you love Me, you will keep My commandments.”

I show my love for Him by my obedience!

It reminded me of April 2010.  I was praying to the Lord telling Him I wanted to obey Him, but just as long as He didn’t ask me to do…and then I listed the various things I wouldn’t do.  (That was dumb!)  As soon as I finished my prayer, I felt a piercing in my soul and the thoughts of, “How is that obedience?  Who are you to tell God what He can and cannot do?  Saying ‘Yes, Lord’ and then telling Him but only under certain conditions is not saying ‘Yes, Lord’ at all!  It’s more like ‘I guess, Lord, as long as I agree with it.’”

Partial obedience is disobedience.

It was like a punch to the stomach and a realization that I was not being obedient.  I confessed my disobedience and agreed in my heart what Bible teacher Pricilla Shirer has said, “If God calls you, He will equip you.”  I felt my partially closed hands opening up to Him that I would be obedient to whatever He calls me to do knowing He will equip me for it.

The next month a situation came up that was on my list of things I didn’t want to do and my initial response was to say ‘No’.  The Lord brought to mind what I said only a month before and I said, “Okay, okay, I will be open.” As this situation unfolded over the next two months, the strangest thing happened; God changed my heart that I wanted it.  The very thing I said I wouldn’t be willing to do!  He has a way of changing the desires of our hearts when we are open to His leading.

Then as soon as the door opened, the Lord shut it. Now almost four years later, I see how God was working, but at the time it didn’t make sense. I was so confused and wondered why the ‘no’ especially as it was such a change of heart for me.  (I mean, come on, that was a huge lesson for me!!) 🙂

I think the greater lesson I learned from this was that I needed to still be obedient in the ‘no’, even more so, actually, than when He says ‘yes’.   

As we walk this journey of autism, I am still learning.  Obedience is hard, especially when He says ‘no’ and especially if it involves Sarah.  I remind myself Sarah is His child and He loves her. He knows what is best for her and I need to trust Him.  So, with open hands and heart, I try to live out my Heavenly Father’s Love Language of Obedience.