Sweet Tooth

Today the girls are 14 years old!  I asked Sarah and Kendall what they wanted for their birthday dinner.  Kendall asked for an ice cream cake for dessert but she said she would let Sarah decide the meal.  When I asked Sarah what she wanted for the meal, she said, “cake”.

I said, “No, what food for dinner?”

“Ice cream”

“No, Sarah, what do you want to eat for dinner?”

“Cupcakes”

“No, Sarah,” I said laughing as I looked at David who was listening to the conversation, “Something that doesn’t have sugar in it.”  (I said that more to David than to Sarah.)

Sarah replied, “Chocolate.”

Oh well, it looks like it is going to be a sugar filled birthday!

The twins’ birthday is an anniversary of another event in our lives.  It was at their two year old wellness doctor visit when we first heard the word “autism” in regards to Sarah.

David and I were so sure Sarah was going to need tubes in her ears; that had to explain her behavior.  I shared my concerns with our pediatrician at the appointment.

He looked intently at Sarah and then back at me.

“I think it is autism.  I will be right back with some paperwork.” With that the pediatrician got up and walked out the door.  (We needed a referral to see a specialist.)

Autism?  What??!  Isn’t that what the character in the movie ‘Rainman’ had?  Sarah is nothing like that!  How can he say that?!  How does he know that it is not her hearing?  He didn’t even look inside her ears!”

The rest of the appointment I was in a daze.  I don’t remember standing in line to check out or paying my co-pay.  I somehow walked out to my car and got all four children in their car seats and then I sat in the driver’s seat still stunned.   I do remember looking in the rearview mirror and seeing Sarah strapped in her car seat.  Out of nowhere this deep guttural groan came out of me as tears poured down my face.  I felt this heaviness on me that I have never experienced before.  With each labored breath, I felt it and prayed the entire drive home that the doctor was wrong.

Please Lord…no.”

Unfortunately, as you know, the doctor was correct.

Now, it is twelve years later and we have had some good days; we have had some bad days; and we have had some really bad days.  It’s those really bad days that I feel that deep groan coming up from inside me once again; that feeling of being overwhelmed, exhausted and physically spent.  It is those times that I tell myself I need to remember what I already know.  I recall His promises from His Word.  Better yet, I like to sing His Word back to Him in praise.  Not always in tune, but from the heart.  It has been a mood lifter time and time again.  The groan is replaced with overwhelming peace that is sweet to my soul.

Like Sarah, her Momma likes her sweets!

Thank you for the 12 years of faithful prayers for us!  Truly, what a gift!!

How sweet are Your Words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!” Psalm 119:103

14 thoughts on “Sweet Tooth

  1. karen bedell

    I’m not sure if my previous reply was received. I apologize if this is a duplicate. Happy birthday Sarah and Kendall. Jill, this blog is such a blessing to me. It feels like an email from the Lord each time. You bless me and I pray that God continues to bless you. Thank you!

  2. Angela

    Praying that their birthday is a very special celebration!!
    As I was reading your words about the sweets it brought to my mind the words of 2 Cor. 2:15 For we are a sweet aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing. You have been and are such a sweet aroma to all who know you and have been blessed by your faithfulness through these years. You are so sweet to know!!

  3. Peggy Paulson

    Jill, You are one of the strongest woman I know. I am amazed by your faith and your strength. Blessings to your family at this birthday celebration!

    1. Wow! Thank you, Peggy! Very kind!! Though, I can honestly say, it is because people are praying! Seriously, we are seeing a difference in Sarah and we know it is because of prayer. Bless you and thank you!!! The Birthday celebration was great–the girls decided on pizza for the meal (trying not to take it personally that they wanted take-out), and the homemade ice cream cake was enjoyed by all. 🙂

  4. jane

    Dear Jill,
    Ironically I am reading your blog at 4:00 am while I am making a cake! Your words are much sweeter than this cake, however. I admire your strength, faithfulness and your vulnerability to share your heart with others. You are an inspiration to me, and I know God is peering over the clouds telling the angels, “Look! There is Jill! She is one of my favorite children!” Happy Birthday to Sarah and Kendall! They are so blessed to be able to call you “Mom”.
    Blessings and Hugs, Jane

  5. Carol Butler

    Dear Jill, Thanks for your updates on Sarah and the family.  Always admire your ability, to put into words, how the Lord has led you in every step of the way!  Someday, you’ll be able to compile your thoughts into a book,  and give others hope as they may be going through very similar problems. Praying for all of your family.  So, what did you finally serve, for the main course, for the girls 14th birthday?  Yes, most of us think of cake and ice-cream ,when it is the birthday celebration!  Love and Prayers,  Aunt Carol    

    1. Thank you, Aunt Carol, for your faithful prayers!! You are a prayer warrior!! Well, Kendall voted for Pizza Hut pizza (her favorite). So, Kendall did very well! 🙂 And from how Sarah ate, I think she liked it too! 🙂 Love you!!

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