In October, I re-blogged my birthday note to my close and dearest friend, Sarah White, who passed away on December 23, 2008 of pancreatic cancer.

It was Friday, December 19, 2008.  I had the day off from work and I was busy getting last minute Christmas shopping done.  As I drove around, this thought kept running through my mind,

“Go see Sarah.”

I thought, “I don’t want to bother her.  She could be resting and I would feel terrible if I woke her up.  Or, she could be at a doctor’s appointment.”

I prayed for her and went to the next store on my list, but she was heavy on my heart.

“Go see Sarah.”

I knew she was tired. Last time I saw her, I could tell, but she sat up and we talked and laughed together.  I didn’t want her to feel she had to entertain me.   Also, our kids were coming home from school soon.  We could only visit for a little bit.  I thought I’ll set up a time another day to stop by.

Once again, it was pressing on my heart, “Go see Sarah.”

It got to the point that the Lord’s push was greater than my resistance.  I drove straight to her house.  I didn’t even call.  I knew she loved Christmas music and I had a Christmas CD and some hand lotion I thought she might like.  If she wasn’t home, I was going to leave the items on her porch and call her later.

As I stepped out of the car, her house was quiet.  I knocked on the door and when it opened, Sarah’s mom, Cindy, was standing there.  She looked at me and with relief said,

“So, God sent you.”

I looked at her puzzled and she continued, “I have been on the phone on hold with the hospital trying to get a bed for Sarah.  I have been praying for someone to come and be with her in her room while I am downstairs on the phone.  God sent you.”

It was only 10 minutes or so that I sat and prayed with Sarah on her bed.  Her mom and then her dad arrived, saying that they got a bed and they were off to the hospital.

“God sent you….”  I left crying and desperately praying for my friend, but I thanked the Lord that He kept pushing me.  What if I hadn’t listen and rationalized why I shouldn’t have gone?  I would have missed that time with my dearest friend.  It was an honor to be the one He sent and be an answer to Cindy’s prayer.

At Christmastime, we celebrate someone else God sent; He sent His Son!

Galatians 4:4-5, “But when the time had fully come, God sent His Son, born of a woman, born under law to redeem those under law, that we might receive the full rights of sons.”

God sent Jesus at just the right time to redeem us.  I am so thankful God sent Jesus!  He is the answer to all our prayers and truly is the best Christmas gift ever!

David and I are so grateful for you.  Looking back over this past year, we know people are praying for our Sarah.  The Praise/Prayer Tab on the blog shows it!  Some issues we thought would never get better (her non-stop crying) are getting better!  We are so grateful!  Bless you and we wish you a wonderful Christmas as we celebrate our Savior’s birth!

“I wouldn’t wish autism on my worst enemy.”

It’s true, I have said that and I have meant it.

Yet, the Lord has allowed this in our lives.  I love the phrase, “Nothing has happened to us that hasn’t passed through His Hands first.”  The Lord in His Sovereignty allowed autism to come into our lives.  He wasn’t shocked by it.  It wasn’t like He turned His Head and said, “When did this happen to you?”   Not only has He known; but also He has walked so closely with us in the midst of it.

And I am grateful.

In fact, these are things I am grateful about autism:

• It has made my faith in the Lord from one of head knowledge to one of utter dependence. It reminds me of Job 42:5,

            “My ears had heard of You, but now my eyes have seen You.”

I knew about His grace, His strength, His mercy and His love, now I am immersed in them!

• It has given me empathy that I never had before. If you want someone to cry with you, I am your girl!  I think when your heart is so raw you truly can “mourn with those who mourn and rejoice with those who rejoice.” (Romans 12:15)

•  It has shown me the power of prayer. We are so grateful for your prayers for us!  We feel them!

• It has shown me the kindness and generosity of others who helped us on this journey. I am so grateful for people giving so much of themselves to help us out because of their love for Christ. It truly is humbling and beautiful.

•  It has taught our kids to be compassionate. Our kids are advocates now for the underdogs and their patience and love for their sister is evident.  They adore and love her!

•  I have seen what a godly man I married. I knew David was a good man, but it is through fiery trials you see what people are made of and I am so impressed by his character, his integrity and his trust in the Lord.

• It has taught me to appreciate the good times on this journey.  I have a child who still thinks Disney princesses are real, gets so excited about Christmas presents and when Sarah belly laughs, it makes your heart sing.   There is nothing like it in the world!

No, I don’t wish this on anyone; autism has invaded our lives and changed us… and I am grateful.

When Sarah was first diagnosed with autism, I didn’t handle it well.  I was in a panic to find answers.  I desperately wanted to “fix” my daughter.  In our desperation to find answers we had Sarah undergo many tests.  One of these tests was to see where she was developmentally.

I will never forget walking into the room to go over Sarah’s results.  It was a preschool room with a half moon shaped table in the far corner.  David and I were asked to sit in the little preschool chairs at this table.  The psychologist sat on the other side in the teacher’s chair.  It was a sight to see David sitting in that little chair with his knees to his chest! 🙂  As the psychologist went over the results, she showed us a graph with many boxes.  Some boxes were filled in, but most were not.

“This is a chart to show the development growth in children.  These are foundational blocks that build upon each other…” said the psychologist.

I quickly looked over the chart and realized that Sarah had very few boxes filled in.  My heart sank.  “She is that far behind?”  I wondered.  My mind raced as I tried to figure out what this chart meant.  As the psychologist continued about Sarah’s results, I couldn’t handle it any longer and I blurted out.

“But will she learn to talk again?”

I can’t believe I interrupted her!  David, who was studying the chart intently, looked up at me startled.  It was so rude of me, but I thought I was about to lose it.  David sensing this reached over and put his hand on my knee.

The psychologist stopped and looked at me and took a breath.  I think she realized she better skip ahead and just let me know.

“Here,”   She took her pen and drew a line across the chart. “This is when verbal language usually appears.”

I gasped.  The line was far above any of the boxes filled.  Developmentally, Sarah at age 3 wasn’t even close!

“There are many factors that go into verbal language.  For example, typically, children need to be able to recognize 50 items receptively before verbal words are spoken.  Once these boxes, these building blocks, below this line on the graph are filled in, language will come.  Our job here is to help you systematically fill in these holes.”

I looked at David; we knew we had our work cut out for us, but I also felt that the Lord had directed us to a place that gave us a plan.

I think back about that chart.  I think about how it can relate to my own spiritual walk; how it is important to have firm foundation and to build up from that.  If I want to be spiritually at some level, then I better have firmed up and filled in “the foundational building blocks” below!

Thankfully, the Lord knows where “my holes” are at.  Even better, Jesus is with me to help me by teaching and equipping me as we fill them in.  He wants me to have a firm foundation to be ready for what lies ahead.   There are days when I feel we have our work cut out for us, but I am so grateful He directs me and He has a perfect plan!

“…a precious cornerstone for a sure foundation; the one who trusts will never be dismayed.” Isaiah 28:16