Validation

“I’ve never been well.”

After 20 weeks of morning sickness/all day sickness being pregnant with the girls, I told David, “Honestly, I don’t remember a time that I was not sick. Even Jim (2 years old at the time) mimics me throwing up all the time. This is how our son sees me. Truly, I’ve never been well.”

I could tell David was trying not to laugh as he hugged me and kissed my head, but he has also never let me forget it! He should have known then what he was in for when I get sick.

This past week Sarah and I came down with the flu. This is when sharing is bad! The flu is hard especially for a semi non-verbal special needs child because you don’t know how they are feeling.  Thankfully, Sarah’s case was not that severe.

Me, on the other hand, I was lying on the couch with a water bottle in one hand and gripping the thermometer in the other. When I am sick I like to do two things:  #1- Call my mother to let her know. It just makes me feel better. #2-Take my temperature several times.

David understands the first one, but the second one puzzles him, especially as I call it out to him.

“100.3!” in the raspiest of voices.

“Now up to 101.1!”

“102.5!”

And later in the evening, “Oh wow. It’s 102.8.”

“Why do you do this? Why do you keep taking your temperature? Do you realize you’re hugging the thermometer?”

“It’s my validation. It justifies to me that my insides match how my outsides are feeling.”

You can’t argue with that reasoning!

It reminds me of how Kendall and I love to watch those makeover shows. The person comes in looking frumpy or ridiculous and the stylist gives the person new clothes, new hair and make-up and then at the final reveal they look amazing. Sometimes, though, the person opens their mouth and what comes out does not match the outward transformation. (Yikes!) Kendall looks at me and it is a good discussion about inner and outer beauty.

Luke 6:45b, “...his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart.” (NASB)

I Peter 3:4, “Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in.” (The Message)

It’s true. When I think of the women in my life that I think are truly beautiful, it is not their outward beauty, per say, but a reflection of their inner beauty. For example,

“When my friend laughs her eyes dance with joy. They just sparkle. I love that.”

“With all that she has going on in life right now; my friend’s face beautifully shines peace. I want to be more like that.”

“I love how after spending time with her I feel encouraged and uplifted. She is the kindest person I know. I love how you see her loving heart when she talks to you.”

This Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) inner beauty matches the outer beauty of these friends; a validation of true beauty. This is what I want for my girls.

When Kendall entered Middle School I wanted her to know what voices were the ones to listen to in regards to her beauty. I painted a plaque with Psalm 45:11 on it and hung it by her mirror. I want her to see it every time she gets ready in the morning.  It reads,

The King is enthralled with your beauty; honor Him for He is your Lord.” (NIV)

Regardless of what the world says beauty is, we want her to know that inner beauty is more important and that the King of Kings, her Creator, is crazy about her!

It is the only validation she will ever need.

12 thoughts on “Validation

  1. Carol Butler

    Dear Jill, My father always told my sister and me that “Pretty is as Pretty DOES!” It has definitely helped me to realize that God made each of us just the way He wanted us to look, act, and praise Him! Sorry about the flu. Never a good experience! Aunt Carol

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