Change My Plans

“OH NO! You pottied in your bed!, Sarah yelled loudly from her room.

It was almost midnight and we were just finishing watching a movie as a family.

I looked at Kendall and said, “Would you mind?”

With that, Kendall ran upstairs to check on Sarah.


I waited a few seconds and called up, “Did she potty?”

No response, so I got up from the couch to check and there was Kendall at the top of the stairs throwing a comforter, sheets, and mattress protector rolled into a ball over the railing. I caught them and by that time David had jumped up and took them from my hands and headed downstairs to put them in the wash.

Kendall showered Sarah and I made a fresh bed only to discover her pillows were soaked with urine, so I race downstairs to the basement searching for old pillows for her to use.

This is not how I planned to spend my time before bed.

Sarah just has a way of having me change my plans.

This morning David was on a call but texted me that he could hear that the washer was unbalanced. As soon as I walked into the laundry area, I was hit with a terrible smell.

Wow, she really had strong urine last night, I thought as I fixed the wash load. (We had to do a couple of loads due to her comforter, sheets, pillows, etc.)

David later put the wash in the dryer.

Tonight, Kendall and I went for a walk and when I came back inside David called me downstairs. His tone didn’t sound good. As I headed downstairs, David called me into the laundry area and pointed to the dryer. The dryer door was open, and it was covered…. COVERED in poop.  Inside the drum was worse.

“Sarah must have pooped in her bed, too.”

After pulling out the sheets from the dryer and finding balls of poop, yes, I concur that is exactly what happened! So gross!!

Needless to say, bleach and disinfectant were heavily used as I scrubbed and wiped. I disinfected seams and ridges and every little hole of the dryer vents. I can honestly say I have never stuck my head into my dryer drum before tonight.

This is not how I planned to spend my evening.

Sarah just has a way of having me change my plans.


At Christmas time as we drove to Florida, David and I discussed the upcoming year with Sarah. Jack would be leaving for college out of state in August, Kendall will be back at college, Jim recently got an electrician’s job and was working full time…what are we going to do with Sarah? Who would be home to get her off her bus? What do we do on the days she has no school or half days? David is working or traveling and is not always available. Also, as you know from my last blog, Sarah’s behaviors have been only getting worse. This past school year has been so challenging. We are not sure if it is the new adult program, new responsibilities, new teacher, etc., but she has been really struggling. This past school year is in the ‘Top 3’ of the worst years behaviorally (Not a list you want to experience!). She is demanding more attention for her care. (We are looking at group homes but that is still another 8-10 years out.) I spoke to my bosses about my situation with Sarah a few times and asked them to join me in prayer. Then the COVID-19 quarantine happened, and I am handling her on-line education (The teacher emails work each day for her to complete). We continued to pray, and it came down to the fact that right now in this point of our Sarah journey, she needs more of me. Balancing work, Sarah’s care, and Sarah’s schooling was getting too much. I was struggling as I didn’t have the margin or energy to give her what she needs, so I decided to step back from work and focus on her.

Not what I had planned.

Sarah just has a way of having me change my plans.

I have heard the illustration/poem before that our lives are like a tapestry and God is the Master Weaver. From the underside of the fabric things just do not make sense. Splashes of color and changing of threads make for a muddled abstract design, but once you see the other side, you see the beautiful pattern that was created. There is purpose and a point. There is beauty, dimension, and depth created from disappointments, sorrows, and changes of plans when mixed with joy, laughter, and happiness.

Yes, Sarah just has a way of having me change my plans, but I am grateful and trust the One who holds the threads of my life.


Isaiah 55:8, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.


Thank you for your continued prayers! What a journey!!