Perspective

One of Sarah’s classmates put this note in her school bag today:

As I pulled out her papers from the day, I found it.

I didn’t have a very mature reaction.

‘Jerky kid.” I muttered under my breath.

Then tears came as I looked up to the Lord in frustration. “Oh Lord, please!”

We have been trying so hard to stop this behavior!

I took a picture of the note and sent it to the teacher. I found myself pacing around the house as I tried to gather my thoughts. Sarah saw the note, but I don’t think she understood it.

I looked at the note again and again. As I began to cool down, I tried to find humor in it.

First, this student has great handwriting. Impressive! The student also said ‘please’…

‘Points off for misspelling ‘nose’….’ I thought chuckling to myself.

I reminded myself this is a special needs student fighting their own issues with Autism.

Perspective, Jill, perspective.

The teacher wrote an extremely sweet and supportive email back. She will handle it. She said Sarah is overall improving. She struggles the most in the mornings, but afternoons are better. She said to please tell Sarah she can’t wait to see her tomorrow.

I am so thankful for her teacher and aides!

Sarah’s doctor told us that one of her OCD meds had a side effect of nose picking so we have been slowly weaning her off it. It is just going to take time and hopefully we can break this behavior.

Here is the thing: This is something I can’t control. I have an almost 21-year-old adult autistic child who is taller than me by over 3 inches. (I live amongst giants.) We have tried various things and if she wants to pick her nose, she will. I am out of my league.

I can’t control.

Isn’t that a thought we have all felt this year in some way or fashion?

It is a frustrating and helpless feeling.

*******

David and I just came back from a trip to Texas. We had the airline and hotel points to cover the entire trip and we were looking for a warm place. It is such a blessing for my parents to watch Sarah for us. It is such a gift!

We spent a few days in Corpus Christi and watched the waves come crashing in on the evening tide off Mustang Island. The Gulf of Mexico is massive and the waves became more and more powerful as we stood on the bank of the beach.

I was in awe. I looked at David and said, “Isn’t it amazing that God holds this body of water (and all water) in the hollow of His hand?” (Isaiah 40:12) Wow.

I felt small. I can’t stop the waves from crashing in. I can barely hold a cup of the sea water in my hand. I am out of my league. Yet, He holds all of it in His hand!

Instead of frustration and helplessness of my lack of control, I had an overwhelming peace and gratitude of His power and sovereignty.

The same God that holds all the water in His hand is the same God who knows our struggles with our nose picking girl. I might not be in control, but He is! And that is a much better thing.

Perspective, Jill, perspective.

Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand and marked off the heavens with a span, enclosed the dust of the earth in a measure and weighed the mountains in scales and the hills in a balance?” Isaiah 40:12 (ESV)

12 thoughts on “Perspective

  1. Gayle Butler

    Dear Jill,
    I just finished reading your latest post on Sarah. I always read your writings with great interest, inspiration and………..pain. Pain in my heart for Sarah, for YOU dear dear mama, for David, for brothers, for sister, for grandparents and all in the beloved circle. I can not even begin to scratch the surface to imagine & fathom the depth of heavy sorrow and unspeakable stress and utter fatigue on all levels of life and relationships and how in the world you get up and face each day. I know you would be quick to say that the grace of God sustains you and yes that He does. You are living proof and beautiful witness. But without minimizing that fact, I just want to hug you and say I am so sorry, Jill, just so so sorry. My heart aches and breaks for you. I can not believe you have walked this path of indescribable relentless grief and challenge for 21 years and —future years yet ahead. (of course, joy & laughter too in your boundless love) Any words offered are trite and hallow at best. Please just know I care, pray and hold you in my heart. You are a ‘beyond remarkable’ mother and wife and daughter of the living God to hold yourself and family together and in such victorious ways. (And PS……thank God for grandparents that allow you time to breathe with David in respite and to watch the awe of earth’s waters held in the hallow of God’s hand……………right along with you)

    1. Thank you so much cousin Gayle for these beautiful and encouraging words! It means so much and it is God’s grace that sustains, you are right! Thank you for faithfully coming alongside us and cheering us on this journey. What a blessing! ❤ PS-Grandparents are the best!! ❤

  2. We still have our Sarah rock in Joan’s garden.

    BTW, Joan’s email is joanbeckett37@gmail.com.

    Tony

    “Today I am one day nearer home than ever before. One day nearer the dawning when the fog will lift, mysteries clear, and all the question marks straighten up into exclamation points and I shall see the King!” – Vance Havner

    On Tue, Mar 16, 2021 at 9:19 PM Praying for Sarah G wrote:

    > sweetjillyg posted: ” One of Sarah’s classmates put this note in her > school bag today: As I pulled out her papers from the day, I found it. I > didn’t have a very mature reaction. ‘Jerky kid.” I muttered under my > breath. Then tears came as I looked up to the Lor” >

    1. It is so good to hear from you! Joan has a very special place in my (and Sarah’s) heart! I have the pictures she took of Sarah at Cubbies on my bedroom wall. ❤ I am so grateful for her love and care for Sarah.
      I love the quote! How fitting! One day nearer… ❤

  3. rcpalms@aol.com

    Thank you Jill, I’m so glad you could get away for awhile. You all are always in my prayers. Love, Uncle Roger

    1. Thank you, Uncle Roger! You are in ours!! Yes, so grateful for Mom and Dad. What a respite and blessing! Mom said she could hear it in my voice when I called to check on Sarah that I was coming down. It was such a nice break. Thankful!! ❤

  4. Denise Nienhaus

    I love this Jill! Changing our perspective on something can help teach us lessons. Thank you God for always holding us in your hands! 🙏🏼

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s