I still remember the ultrasound. The doctor showed us the heartbeat on the screen and was taking photos and measurements. My mom joined David and me at this appointment and was in awe as she watched the doctor work.

She looked at the screen and asked what that faint pulse of light was at the top of the screen.

The doctor, who was preoccupied with the measurements, looked up to the top of the screen. He turned to look at his wristwatch that had a second hand and he alternated looking at the watch and the screen.

He moved the ultrasound wand to this new spot and said, “That’s a heartbeat! Looks like you are having twins!”

That little light at the top of the screen, that little heartbeat, turned out to be our Sarah.

From that very moment our lives changed, and my heart began to beat in love for these two precious heartbeats.

****

The group home told us that Sarah would have a time of adjustment as she settled in, but it has been so much harder than any of us thought.

Sarah is really struggling! She is slamming doors to the point of breaking door frames. She is purposely and willfully defecating on the floor. She screams and cries. She is stealing from others. She has opened the car door twice while it was moving. She has tried to escape.

Then there are times she is content. They said she is in the most advanced work group, and she seems, at times, to enjoy her work. They have experienced the joy of hearing her laugh. They, too, said her laugh is so delightful.

They treat her so well there. When we come to visit, she has toys and crafts in her room. They set up a table for her to do her puzzles. They let her decorate her room and she loves it. She is very proud to show us her room. They give her space to do what she wants. The staff cares deeply for her, and it shows.

I truly do believe she likes it there, but her behaviors are much like they were at home- awful.

They asked to give her a drug that has been shown to help with aggressive behaviors. We agreed, but it made things worse! Her outbursts intensified. They have stopped that drug and started another med known to help.

We need this to work…. We need a miracle.

The group home is calling in a crisis team to give advice and counsel. They are also asking the psychiatrist for an emergency medication to use when she gets really agitated.

We are so grateful that the group home is trying to help her, but nothing seems to be working.

Please pray with us for a miracle in Sarah’s life!! We don’t know what else to do. I am asking the Lord for mercy. I am asking for the Lord to calm Sarah’s heart and bring peace to her soul.

I remind myself that while I feel helpless, this situation is not. While I don’t have the answers, I have a Heavenly Father that is in control and nothing….nothing is a surprise to Him.

No matter how dark the path is in front of us (and right now it feels pretty dark), He is the light we are fixing our eyes on.  

He knew what we would be facing long before we saw this little light at the top of the screen, and we trust the One who has loved her even before her heartbeat began.

We are asking for prayer as we walk in faith.  

“We walk by faith, not by sight.” 2 Corinthians 5:7

*This photo is of her from our last visit a few weeks ago. We got her a new blonde wig and she was so happy! We pray for more of these moments.