One of Sarah’s classmates put this note in her school bag today:

As I pulled out her papers from the day, I found it.

I didn’t have a very mature reaction.

‘Jerky kid.” I muttered under my breath.

Then tears came as I looked up to the Lord in frustration. “Oh Lord, please!”

We have been trying so hard to stop this behavior!

I took a picture of the note and sent it to the teacher. I found myself pacing around the house as I tried to gather my thoughts. Sarah saw the note, but I don’t think she understood it.

I looked at the note again and again. As I began to cool down, I tried to find humor in it.

First, this student has great handwriting. Impressive! The student also said ‘please’…

‘Points off for misspelling ‘nose’….’ I thought chuckling to myself.

I reminded myself this is a special needs student fighting their own issues with Autism.

Perspective, Jill, perspective.

The teacher wrote an extremely sweet and supportive email back. She will handle it. She said Sarah is overall improving. She struggles the most in the mornings, but afternoons are better. She said to please tell Sarah she can’t wait to see her tomorrow.

I am so thankful for her teacher and aides!

Sarah’s doctor told us that one of her OCD meds had a side effect of nose picking so we have been slowly weaning her off it. It is just going to take time and hopefully we can break this behavior.

Here is the thing: This is something I can’t control. I have an almost 21-year-old adult autistic child who is taller than me by over 3 inches. (I live amongst giants.) We have tried various things and if she wants to pick her nose, she will. I am out of my league.

I can’t control.

Isn’t that a thought we have all felt this year in some way or fashion?

It is a frustrating and helpless feeling.

*******

David and I just came back from a trip to Texas. We had the airline and hotel points to cover the entire trip and we were looking for a warm place. It is such a blessing for my parents to watch Sarah for us. It is such a gift!

We spent a few days in Corpus Christi and watched the waves come crashing in on the evening tide off Mustang Island. The Gulf of Mexico is massive and the waves became more and more powerful as we stood on the bank of the beach.

I was in awe. I looked at David and said, “Isn’t it amazing that God holds this body of water (and all water) in the hollow of His hand?” (Isaiah 40:12) Wow.

I felt small. I can’t stop the waves from crashing in. I can barely hold a cup of the sea water in my hand. I am out of my league. Yet, He holds all of it in His hand!

Instead of frustration and helplessness of my lack of control, I had an overwhelming peace and gratitude of His power and sovereignty.

The same God that holds all the water in His hand is the same God who knows our struggles with our nose picking girl. I might not be in control, but He is! And that is a much better thing.

Perspective, Jill, perspective.

“Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand and marked off the heavens with a span, enclosed the dust of the earth in a measure and weighed the mountains in scales and the hills in a balance?” Isaiah 40:12 (ESV)