My job as a mom is to protect my children and I was failing. I have shared that Sarah had terrible meltdowns when she was little. (Blog: An Autism Meltdown) When Sarah became angry, sometimes for no apparent reason, she would take out her frustration on Jack. She would hit him, pull his hair or scratch him. There were times I think she did it to see his reaction. He would scream or cry and she thought it was funny. She would clap her hands in delight. This did not happen all the time, but enough times that if I saw her screaming and running towards Jack, I would swoop in and protect Jack and remove her from the room.
This normally worked unless we were in the car. If for some reason she decided she was going to hit Jack, no matter where I put her (before we discovered Angel Guard she would unbuckle herself), she would pinch him or throw things like her shoes at him. I could not protect him if I was driving.
Here is a photo of the kids before we left on vacation.
Sarah is all smiles (she is directly behind Jack, back row left), but looks can be deceiving. I remember this trip well because she scratched him on the trip and we had Jim sit in between the girls to prevent her from unbuckling and moved Jack to Jim’s old spot.
What could I do? I had a child that directed all her anger and frustration towards her sibling. It seemed like she hated him. Out of all the kids, she picked on him. It was probably because he was the smallest/youngest, but what could I do?
I prayed for God to help me. I begged Him to soften her heart towards Jack. I thought of the verse in Ezekiel, “I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them a heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh.” (Ezekiel 11:19) How I wanted Him to remove her heart of stone and give her a heart of flesh!
Here is the thing and God’s infinite mercy towards us, God has given a heart of flesh twice the size of anyone I know in Jack. Jack has always loved his sister. In fact, he adores her. He has followed her to doctor and specialist appointments with no complaints and is truly proud of all she has accomplished. He and my nephew Seth were “Peer Pals” at her Autism preschool to help her and the other students socialize. He loved it! I would see him trying to get her to interact and play with the other kids.
Slowly Sarah’s heart towards Jack has softened. Now, she loves to be hugged by him. When she comes home from school, one of the first things she does is find Jack for her hug.
Jack’s love for her has only deepened. For Jack’s final in his Multi-Cultural class this year he had to share about his life and culture. He spoke about Sarah in his talk. I saw his notes on the computer and it said: ‘Sarah, my princess; I am undeserving of her and her fun; my life is so wild because her…’
My princess? Undeserving?
Last week we drove to my brother’s church in Ohio to hear him preach. We had to leave pretty early from Michigan to get there in time for the service and Jack fell asleep in the truck. When I looked back I saw this:
The look on Sarah’s face shows a heart of flesh! She is so happy to sit next to him; holding his hand as he sleeps on her shoulder! When I took the photo, God reminded me of my prayer to Him so very long ago. How humbled and unbelievably grateful I am how He has answered my prayer! He can take a situation that seems hopeless and work a miracle!
It is such a great reminder to me, especially as this week she has been clogging toilets several times a day, wetting her bed, dumping her clothes out of her dresser and other things that make for very long days. If He can take a heart of stone and make it one of flesh, anything I face is nothing to the One who holds it all in His hand!
It is I who is so undeserving….