Today the girls are 14 years old! I asked Sarah and Kendall what they wanted for their birthday dinner. Kendall asked for an ice cream cake for dessert but she said she would let Sarah decide the meal. When I asked Sarah what she wanted for the meal, she said, “cake”.
I said, “No, what food for dinner?”
“No, Sarah, what do you want to eat for dinner?”
“No, Sarah,” I said laughing as I looked at David who was listening to the conversation, “Something that doesn’t have sugar in it.” (I said that more to David than to Sarah.)
Sarah replied, “Chocolate.”
Oh well, it looks like it is going to be a sugar filled birthday!
The twins’ birthday is an anniversary of another event in our lives. It was at their two year old wellness doctor visit when we first heard the word “autism” in regards to Sarah.
David and I were so sure Sarah was going to need tubes in her ears; that had to explain her behavior. I shared my concerns with our pediatrician at the appointment.
He looked intently at Sarah and then back at me.
“I think it is autism. I will be right back with some paperwork.” With that the pediatrician got up and walked out the door. (We needed a referral to see a specialist.)
“Autism? What??! Isn’t that what the character in the movie ‘Rainman’ had? Sarah is nothing like that! How can he say that?! How does he know that it is not her hearing? He didn’t even look inside her ears!”
The rest of the appointment I was in a daze. I don’t remember standing in line to check out or paying my co-pay. I somehow walked out to my car and got all four children in their car seats and then I sat in the driver’s seat still stunned. I do remember looking in the rearview mirror and seeing Sarah strapped in her car seat. Out of nowhere this deep guttural groan came out of me as tears poured down my face. I felt this heaviness on me that I have never experienced before. With each labored breath, I felt it and prayed the entire drive home that the doctor was wrong.
Unfortunately, as you know, the doctor was correct.
Now, it is twelve years later and we have had some good days; we have had some bad days; and we have had some really bad days. It’s those really bad days that I feel that deep groan coming up from inside me once again; that feeling of being overwhelmed, exhausted and physically spent. It is those times that I tell myself I need to remember what I already know. I recall His promises from His Word. Better yet, I like to sing His Word back to Him in praise. Not always in tune, but from the heart. It has been a mood lifter time and time again. The groan is replaced with overwhelming peace that is sweet to my soul.
Like Sarah, her Momma likes her sweets!
Thank you for the 12 years of faithful prayers for us! Truly, what a gift!!
“How sweet are Your Words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!” Psalm 119:103