A Twist in the Journey

Well, the new job did not work out.  As if a character in a story, I had a foreshadowing statement that I should have paid more attention to when it occurred. I thought it was profound when it was said to me.  It was just like in a movie when the music starts to play to signifying to the audience that this was an important statement and to pay attention to it.  Now, I look back and shake my head that I didn’t pick up on it.

Pastor Josh was exactly right.

Pastor Josh, the youth pastor at the church, said to me, “Jill, may I say something to you?  I think that working is good for you to step away from your life with Sarah and just be ‘Jill’.  It is a place for you to be you.”

I agreed with his statement.  I did enjoy being ‘Jill’ and work has been an escape from the stresses of Autism, but I still thought that helping other parents with Autistic kids would be a good fit for me.

I was wrong.  I was very, very wrong!

I quickly and harshly found out that my idea of bringing comfort to people with the same comfort I received from the Lord (II Corinthians 1:3b-4) was not what these parents were looking for.  It was extremely emotional listening to these parents (some who were just plain nasty) and then coming home to Sarah wetting her bed or having one of her crying fits.  I never got a break from the world of Autism and it took a toll. I tried to make this work! I didn’t want to be a failure. I have grown up with the phrase “A Butler never quits” but I also knew that this was not the right fit for me.

Also, this job turned out to be a full-time job.  My friend thought it could be part-time, but her business is booming!  She is an entrepreneur and a very gifted businesswoman.  I have truly enjoyed getting to know her better.  Yet, this job has quickly shown that this position is full-time and for the time being could not be done from home.  I need her and access to client files to perform this job.

When I shared my heart to her, the owner totally understood.  She agreed that sometimes being too close to the situation actually keeps opening up the wound.  I realized that my Autism wound is still scabbing over and talking all day about the hardships of Autism and then dealing with life with Sarah became too much and my scab became very raw. (And besides, that the job requires more hours I can give.)

Next week I will finish out my duties and I will be unemployed.  We sure didn’t see this in our future!

I am thankful the Lord does know! To be honest, I have cried so much these past few weeks, more than I would care to admit. I miss my joy. During my quiet time with the Lord, I poured out my heart asking Him why this happened.  I came across Psalm 94:14-15 and it truly jumped off the page.

It says:

When I said, ‘My foot is slipping’, Your love, O LORD, supported me.

When anxiety was great within me, Your consolation brought joy to my soul.”

Right now I feel like my foot is slipping, but I am caught by His love!  While I don’t understand, His consolation brings me back my joy and heals my wounds. So thankful!!

Thank you for your continued love and support for us on this journey. Tears fill my eyes (here I go crying again!) that I have people lifting Sarah and us up in prayer.

David also is starting a new job next month and will be traveling more. I am going to wait and see what that means for our family, but will be on the lookout if the Lord opens a job opportunity to me.

Another twist on our Autism journey, but I am thankful our Lord knows the way!




12 thoughts on “A Twist in the Journey

  1. Jenn Bennett

    Oh, Jill, I wish I could reach right through this laptop & give you a huge hug and let you cry. Then we’d get the biggest, most decadent chocolate dessert we could find and share it. Love you! You are an amazing mother and Sarah is so blessed to have you as her Mom!

  2. Kay Weber

    Hugs to you sweet Jill!!!💜 You are one very wise and humble lady. We can learn a lot from you. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. I know from first-hand experience that it is not easy being a parent of an autistic child. We are definitely on this journey together. Blessings to you my dear sister in Christ!😇

  3. rcpalms@aol.com

    Dear Jill,

    We will pray about this whole situation and what the Lord has for you in the future. I used to carry a card in my wallet that said, “God reserves the right to give you something better than what you asked for.”

    That something better for you may be right around the corner.

    We send our love.

    Roger and Andrea

  4. Pat Vess

    Dearest Jill,
    This writing is the most treasured for you have brought more encouragement through your honesty and your TRUST in the One Who never gives up on completing His Beloved Children. Through our journey, we often come to those places where we simply are at the end of OUR resources–AND there HE is remindingus of His, and we find that HE is all we need. You are entering into something so glorious for He promised that after we have suffered “a little while” He Himself will strengthen, settle and establish us (I Peter 5:10) upon that firm foundation that proves we will never be moved or shaken (even though everything seems like it is moving and shaking). I was encouraged reading Psalm 46:1-5 this morning — may you be encouraged too! We can hardly wait for your next blog that will reveal “the great things our God has done for you!!”
    Sealing this with love and prayers.

  5. Debi

    Continued prayers for you, Sarah and the entire family. You are an amazing Mom Jill…and don’t forget that. God gives you the ability to do this journey. Hugs….Prayers…Love

  6. Carol Butler

    Dear Jill, Thank you for your new positing that has shown you, that this wasn’t the job opportunity that you were seeking. There is nothing wrong in having a change in keeping this job. God has spoken to you, and you are following His leading. I know somewhat of the wounds being ripped open again. I found that I couldn’t be involved with the M. S. Society after Uncle Paul went to Heaven. I needed to put my energy into another phase of life. May you take time for Jill !!! Now that Dave will be starting a new job, definitely means that you may need to be the source to keep your family going forward. Love you, Aunt Carol

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